Microwave Massacre: No Warm Meals

A man fed up with his wife’s cooking becomes extremely enraged one day and he kills her and eats her instead. Then another woman, so on and so forth. This is the basic premise for Microwave Massacre, a dull, painfully unfunny waste of 76 minutes.

Marketed as a black comedy, Microwave Massacre tries to make itself go to a dark place in a campy way. Unfortunately the humor goes nowhere. Situations such as Jackie Vernon’s Donald having to have a combination of killing and sex is supposed to be played up for laughs, but feels extremely uninspired, almost as if it were just thrown in to make Donald seem more interesting. There is also the tasteless nudity. There is no humor attached to it. There is an argument that could be made for it potentially making fun of pornography scenarios, but it is an extremely hard argument to make because the men are unapologetically ignorant to a fault.

Jackie Vernon as Donald does the best he can, trying to be painted as an everyman who has just been pushed too far. But between the fourth wall breaks and false self awareness he presents, he simply comes off as a bore, a non-entertaining creep and just plain annoying. This extends to every character. Everyone and everything feels stale and one dimensional. The film is not particularly racist, but does play into a lot of stereotypes, making it hard for a modern audience to find humor in it.

There is honestly no redeeming quality for this film. It is boring, tiring to watch and leave your mind to wander about how fast one would have to run in order to get as far away from this film as possible. If you are looking for cheesy 80s charm, there is none to be found here.


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